There is no person on this planet who hasn’t experienced rejection in life. We
feel rejected when we are not accepted, included or approved of. Like
abandonment, it leaves us feeling unwanted & not good enough. Toddlers or
children can experience it in form of being criticised repeatedly, being called
derogatory names (like ‘stupid’ or ‘bad’), by being put up for adoption or by
being ignored. As one grows older, rejection can come from friends, teachers,
employers or love interests.
Because rejection is so painful, we try to protect ourselves from it by
putting up walls around us. These are emotional walls wherein we hold people
at a distance. We start anticipating rejection in future endeavours.
So how should we deal with rejection?
1) Allow yourself time to process your feelings-
Maybe your promotion or new job was refused or maybe your
romantic proposal was rejected. In such (or similar situations) allow your
mind to grieve the future that you had anticipated. Give yourself adequate
time to adjust to the fact that things will not work out exactly how you had
envisioned them. Crying, journalling, exercising, being in nature or talking
helps. The duration & intensity of grief will differ based on nature of
rejection.
2) Don’t immediately blame yourself –
Often times there are no clear answers for rejection. In such a situation,
use end up blaming ourselves. Negative thoughts like. ‘I am not good enough’
or ‘I am unlovable’ frequently pop up in our psyche. These are beliefs that you
can choose to discard. It is worthwhile to examine possible reasons for
rejections & then consider your role in the whole situation.
3) Build up your resilience-
Psychological resilience is the strength of mind or the ability to bounce
back. These qualities can be learned & actively practised. Some such qualities
are solution focused thinking (instead of problem focused thinking), seeking
support, focussing on what you can learn from the experience, maintaining a
sense of humor & remembering your strengths. To keep taking new chances is
a vital part of resilience. If you are not rejected, it means you are sitting deep
in your comfort zone, which is not great for your personal growth.
4) Remember your strengths –
Whenever you face rejection, it is worthwhile to write down or discuss
with a close person about your strengths. This is a reminder of your qualities &
past achievements & helps instil confidence.
5) Surround yourself with people who make you feel valued-
If you have been left out of a plan by a group of friends, call up your
best friend and spend time with him /her. Think to yourself, that if you have,
for example 6 people who love you and 3 who don’t, can you deal with that
roster of people?
6) Set yourself a role model who is good at bouncing back. Several public
fingers or celebrities can serve as examples.
Remember, rejection is nothing more than a step in the pursuit of success.
