We all take great care and effort to provide the right nutrition, education and facilities to children in
the house. But sometimes, children do not get the right emotional environment that they need to
thrive. All parents have disagreements but that doesn’t mean all children experience emotional
trauma. Parental conflict refers to disagreement over important issues which result in frequent
arguments, not talking to each other for prolonged periods, heated arguments and it may escalate
to domestic violence. Having constant conflict renders parents unable to nurture children as well as
they otherwise could. Such parents can have lack of warmth, inconsistent or harsh disciplining, lack
of involvement in routine parenting tasks and frequent expressions of anger towards the child.
Parents can consciously or inadvertently instil negative feelings about the other parent in the child’s
mind.
How does parental conflict impact children?
Research studies that have measured physical parameters of children show that babies as young as 6
months display anxiety when parents fight. Unfortunately for many children (including those of
divorced parents), they witness parental conflict for the larger part of their childhood.
Emotional problems: children who witness aggression can ‘internalise’ these problems resulting in
emotional disturbances such as low mood, anxiety, low self-esteem, feelings of loneliness etc.
Sometimes, child may ‘externalise’ the emotions resulting in irritability, anger outbursts, aggressive
behaviour, hostility, oppositional behaviour etc. they may experience shame and guilt over
behaviour of parents and younger children might feel responsible for the fights between parents.
Behavioral problems: Children witnessing conflict at home can become socially withdrawn and
poorly communicative. They find it difficult to open about their emotions or the reason behind
distress. This can bring about significant delay in help seeking behaviour. Adolescents may display
self-harm behaviour as means of expressing anger or as a result of suicidal thoughts.
Developmental problems: These children might fail to thrive physically. This could be result of
parental neglect or due to physical manifestations of stress. They can have reduced appetite, bowel
disturbances, underweight/obesity, poor immunity, menstrual disturbances and frequent sickness,
unexplained pain symptoms etc.
Social problems: Children from conflict ridden families often have academic issues. They go through
academic backwardness and are often unable to utilise their full potential. Some drop out of higher
education and face higher rates of unemployment.
Interpersonal problems: Children who grow up seeing an unstable marriage have a negative view of
marriage and family unit. Due to maladaptive coping skills and also absence of healthy role models,
they frequently have interpersonal problems in intimate relationships. They have difficulty
maintaining long term relationships including friendships, romantic relations and have higher
percentage of broken marriages.
Several of these problems can be offset by seeking professional help for the child as the caregivers
may not be in a position to help the child. Family interventions done by psychologist of psychiatrist
go a long way in mitigating effects of emotional trauma.
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